ROB: Whose briefcase is that on the bench?
ROB: Anybody’s? I just want to sit down.
COLLEAGUE: Just move the briefcase.
ROB: Yeah, I just don’t like touching other people’s stuff without permission. You know what would happen. I would move it and somebody would appear out of nowhere and say (indignant voice), “Dude, did you just move my bag without asking?”
And this begat and impromptu comedy skit:
COLLEAGUE: Yeah. I wanted to sit down. So I put it under the bench.
ROB: (playing along, nervy indignant voice, gesticulating “chopping” motions): So. You. Touched. My. Shit. Without. Asking.
COLLEAGUE (laid back surfer dude voice): Yeah, man. It was on the bench. I asked, nobody answered. I wanted to sit down. It’s under the bench.
ROB: Oh! I get it. You touch people’s stuff. Would it be cool if I went into your house and threw out all your shit? Would it be cool if I rubbed my ass all over your stuff because I (air quotes) WANTED TO SIT DOWN?? (close air quotes)
COLLEAGUE: Sorry man.
ROB: Oh. Sorry. SORRY? Does it change the fact that you put your hands on my stuff? Does that make it ok? So all is right in the world with you just because you said (air quotes) SAW-REE???
Not cool. So totally not cool.
ROB: Everybody’s worked with somebody like that, right?
COLLEAGUE: Yeah. If they got like that with me, I’d start poking them. Like this: Poke. Poke. Poke!
We had a good laugh.
OTHER COLLEAGUE: Hey, that was like a Saturday Night Live skit.
PS: I moved the briefcase. The guy who owned the briefcase was just watching, enjoying the show.